Unmitigated Silliness

These are a handful of songs conceived, mostly while brushing my teeth, over the past few months

Emotional Song for Parting

You're not ready to let me go - of course not
I've gotta say good-bye, but I don't know how to do it
When I'm feeling... such big feelings
It's just the way I knew it would be
My brain understands but my heart can't see
How to do it ...feelings

So, I'm wishing you "bad-bye"
I'm telling you "don't cry"
Cuz you're amazing
And I'm amazing
And no one should have to go through losing either of us
Bad-bye
Bad-bye
Hang on to that smile
We'll live in denial forever
Bad-bye

Affectionately Patronizing Song for a Very Petite Adult Friend

Happy Birthday to Tiny Little You
What a Great Big Year it's been
And would you look who's kept her chin up?
Would you look who's even...
Grown up a little
Happy Birthday to Lovely Little You
Wish you every Happy thing...
From the top of you head
To the tip of your toes
And the two or three odd inches in between

Conventional Wisdom Song #1

Almost everybody's got some cellulite somewhere
Almost everybody's got some cellulite somewhere
Oh - you - can -
Smash it in a fancy kind of underwear
So nobody will notice, but
Pssst... it's still there
Cuz almost everybody's got
Almost everybody's got
Almost everybody's got
Almost everybody's got some cellulite somewhere

Song for "Boyfriend in a Box" Commercial

If you were my boyfriend
I'd put you in a box
And tie it with a bow
And several padlocks

I'd keep it on my lawn
Where everyone could see
I'd be in love with you
You'd be in love with me ...or else

Tra la la Tra la la

You'd cherish every curl
Upon my pretty head
You'd kiss my pretty face
You'd live under my bed

You'd write me every day
You'd not forget to call
You'd want to be with me
You'd never leave at all

Refrain:
And we'll be together forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever

Disclaimer

Hi, famous individual,
It's not likely we'll ever meet
Still, should we ever have the pleasure,

...I'd like to say "I'm sorry,"
For the inevitably awkward and,
Dare I say, excruciating way in which
I'll say "hello"

You ought to know that I'm delightful
And I'm really kind of cute
And a lot of people like me
Since it may not be apparent when we're first introduced

And Oh, famous individual,
Then it gets worse before it's better
For me and you
More me than you,
But not by much

See, I'll get a little bit too excited
And find, quite suddenly, I'm irresistable
And it may seem very much like I've been drinking (if only I'd been drinking)
Bear in mind I'm relatively stable and
almost always pause for punctuation, cuz
There's a chance I
won't stop talking the
the entire time I'm with you

[bangs head against table if sitting or nearest wall if standing... then pulls self together]

...really, I'm delightful
And my friends all say I'm cute
If you'd only get to know...
...oh please, somebody, shoot me

And Oh, famous individual,
If I could ask you now to please forget me
The very moment after you have met me
And disregard my humor and how loud it was I laughed at every joke I made
And the way I kept on saying you were you
Like it hadn't crossed your mind
I'd be so very grateful

Yours, apologetically (as ever),
Bec -

[pauses]

Anonymous